A Guide to Wine, Food & the Good Life
To subscribe and be notified anytime we post a new article, enter your email address in the box below, then click on Subscribe Now.

Underground Wine Line

Similar Articles:

  1. ED LAZARUS - ONE OF A KIND
  2. JIM CLENDENEN REMEMBERED
  3. STUPID WINE DESCRIPTIONS
  4. DENNIS FOLEY, RENOWNED FIGURE IN THE WORLD OF RARE WINE, PASSED AWAY AT THE AGE OF 74
  5. STUPID WINE DESCRIPTIONS
  6. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2020!
  7. SURPRISE WINNING WINE IN THE INTERNATIONAL WINE TASTING COMPETITION OF THE CENTURY
  8. WINE & TRUTH
  9. 2018 STUPID WINE DESCRIPTION WINNERS
  10. ATTENTION WINE DRINKERS: THIS BUD’S FOR YOU!
  11. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
  12. BURGUNDY 2018
  13. WHAT DO NUMBERS HAVE TO DO WITH IT?
  14. THE ROSÉ PARADE
  15. BOOK ON ROBERT LAWRENCE BALZER PUBLISHED BY UNDERGROUND'S CONTRIBUTING EDITOR CHRISTINE GRAHAM
  16. A NATIONAL CONTEST TO SEE WHICH 100 POINT WINE WRITER HAS THE MOST CREATIVE WINE DESCRIPTIONS
  17. 2017 STUPID WINE DESCRIPTION WINNERS
  18. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2018!
  19. NEWS FLASH – HAS FAKE NEWS TAKEN OVER THE WINE GAME?
  20. 2016 STUPID WINE DESCRIPTION AWARD WINNERS AND MORE!
  21. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2017!
  22. BURGUNDY – 2016 VISIT
  23. YIKES! THE 1000 POINT WINE SCORE IS HERE
  24. CHAMPAGNE DAY 2016
  25. OUTSTANDING OLD MARSANNAY ROSÉS
  26. A MONTE BELLO TOAST TO PAUL DRAPER
  27. THE PERILS OF FARMING – MOTHER NATURE DEVESTATES BURGUNDY
  28. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME OF YEAR IT IS ON THE WINE CALENDAR?
  29. THE DAILY MEAL WINERY AWARDS
  30. STUPID WINE DESCRIPTION OF THE YEAR?
  31. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2016!
  32. ENCORE: DEAR SANTA, WE’VE GOT A LITTLE LIST
  33. BACK TO THE FUTURE
  34. A VIEW OF THE 2015 BURGUNDY VINTAGE IN ADVANCE OF THE ANNUAL UNDERGROUND WINELETTER TRIP TO BURGUNDY TO TASTE THE 2014S
  35. I HATE TO TELL YOU “I TOLD YOU SO” BUT “I TOLD YOU SO!”
  36. WHAT’S IN YOUR WINE GLASS?
  37. MORE ON BIB WINE
  38. THE JUDGMENT OF MOSCOW
  39. ROSÉ WINES AND THE GREAT ROSÉS OF PROVENCE
  40. A SHOT OUT OF THE BLUE: WE HAVE A NEW ENTRY IN THE WINE INGREDIENT LABELING DERBY
  41. PREMOX: “WHEREFORE ART THOU?”
  42. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2015!
  43. PREVIEW: ALONG THE BUGUNDY TRAIL VINTAGE 2013
  44. CAUTION! WHAT’S IN YOUR WINE?
  45. FOR THE LOVE OF ROSÉS
  46. THE BEST WINERIES IN AMERICA - THE TOP 4 ARE FROM CALIFORNIA'S CENTRAL COAST!
  47. STOP THE PRESSES! THERE IS A NEW SCORING SYSTEM!
  48. WINE WRITING – WHAT IS IT?
  49. POLYESTER WINES
  50. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014!
  51. THE UNDERGROUND IS BACK!
  52. CALLING TIME OUT
  53. ROSÉ - IT’S TIME HAS COME
  54. ARE NUTRITIONAL LABELS COMING TO ALCOHOLIC DRINKS?
  55. THE BLENDING GAME: ROSÉ & MORE
  56. ATTENTION ALL WINE CONSUMERS: WINE INGREDIENT LABELING IS HERE!
  57. EXCLUSIVE NEWS FLASH!
  58. THE GREATER FOOL?
  59. DOMAINE ALBERT GRIVAULT
  60. TASTING WINE VS. DRINKING WINE - IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?
  61. A PAIR TO DRAW TO & A GUIDE FOR WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN WINES THAT ARE FOOD FRIENDLY, BALANCED, AND CAPABLE OF AGING FOR AN EXTENDED TIME
  62. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013!
  63. THE UNDERGROUND HISTORY AS WE BRIEFLY LOOK BACK AND THEN CONTINUE TO FOCUS ON THE FUTURE
  64. BYE BYE BIG KAHUNA
  65. A LOOK AT NV CHAMPAGNE – IS IT REALLY DIFFERENT THIS TIME?
  66. FAKE WINES IN CHINA - THE BEAT GOES ON
  67. 2011 BURGUNDY – THE SURPRISE VINTAGE
  68. THE MARRIAGE BLEND
  69. LOOKING FOR OLD WINE WITH IMPECCABLE PROVENANCE?
  70. WINE FRAUD AND A WINE DETECTIVE - THE STORY OF DON CORNWELL
  71. HISTORIC VINEYARD SOCIETY
  72. DON’T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST!
  73. THE BLENDING GAME - IS IT TIME FOR THREE BUCK CHUCK?
  74. EVERYTHING YOU HAVE BEEN DYING TO KNOW ABOUT NEWLY RELEASED CALIFORNIA CHARDONNAYS!
  75. COUNTERFEIT WINE AND THE ROLE OF CHINA
  76. THE JUDGMENT OF PRINCETON
  77. WHEN TO TASTE, DRINK, & ENJOY YOUNG WINES & WHAT ABOUT ROSÉ?
  78. THE VINEYARD OR THE WINEMAKING? WHAT REALLY MATTERS?
  79. BLENDING GAME PREVIEW
  80. PREDICTING THE FUTURE!
  81. AMATEUR NIGHT AT THE WINE FOLLIES: THE ANSWER WAS LYING IN PLAIN SIGHT
  82. THE PERFECT WINE?
  83. ATTENTION COSTCO WINE SHOPPERS: WHEN IS A ROSÉ NOT A ROSÉ?
  84. NAPA VALLEY WINES – JUST WHEN I THOUGHT WE HAD SEEN EVERYTHING!
  85. THE WINE FRAUD STORY – THE BEAT GOES ON!
  86. DO WINE AND TOILET PAPER HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON?
  87. WINE JUSTICE STRIKES!
  88. FOODIES FIGHTING FOR FOIE!
  89. CALLING ALL WINE INVESTORS
  90. ONE WINEDRINKER’S OBSERVATIONS OVER NEARLY 30 YEARS: TWO FACES OF FRAUD? MORE TO COME?
  91. NEWS FLASH -- NEW ALCOHOL WARNING LABELS FOR WINE MAY SOON BE ISSUED!
  92. ROSÉ IS THE PERFECT ANTI WINE
  93. AN ENIGMA WRAPPED IN A RIDDLE – CAN AN UGLY DUCKLING BECOME A SWAN?
  94. STOP THE WINE PRESS! THE FBI HAS MOVED TO STOP WINE FRAUD!
  95. 2004 WHITE BURGUNDIES: PREMOX OR NOT? THE BEAT GOES ON!
  96. GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS
  97. WHAT’S ULLAGE GOT TO DO WITH IT? - THE CURIOUS CASE OF 1928 LA GAFFELIÉRE NAUDES
  98. LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE!
  99. WINE FRAUD – LIGHTNING STRIKES!
  100. WINE FRAUD – CAVEAT EMPTOR!
  101. BIRDS OF A FEATHER - LAUGHABLE WINE DESCRIPTIONS
  102. TIS THE SEASON!
  103. WHAT’S IN YOUR WINE BOTTLE?
  104. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!
  105. A NEW WINE FOR THE HOLIDAYS THAT HAS EVERYONE BUZZED
  106. WHAT IS A WINE CONSUMER TO DO?
  107. IS IT DRINK NOW AND PAY LATER? YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY, BUT BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR!
  108. BE THE MASTER OF YOUR DOMAIN!
  109. TAKE A DIFFERENT VIEW THAT IS EASY ON YOUR PALATE AND ON YOUR WALLET
  110. ALONG THE BURGUNDY TRAIL - OCTOBER 2011
  111. Z IS FOR ZINFANDEL
  112. A NOTE FROM DARRELL CORTI
  113. THE BIRDS ARE STILL FLOCKING – WATCH OUT BELOW!
  114. SOME MORE BIG HOUSE RELATIVES PAY A VISIT TO THE UNDERGROUND
  115. WINE & CLOSURE
  116. YIKES! THE TIDE MAY BE GOING OUT SOON! WHO’S SWIMMING NAKED?
  117. WHAT IS WINE?
  118. HALLELUJAH!
  119. BLENDING GAME -- BLENDING MAN TO THE RESCUE
  120. HEARD ON THE GRAPEVINE
  121. NOW APPEARING AT A STORE NEAR YOU - DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA STARRING MALBEC & TORRONTES
  122. BLENDING PARTY – A NEW TWIST – FLASH DASH – WHAT'S IN YOUR GLASS?
  123. BBBB TRIBUTE
  124. OMG - IS IT THE END OF THE WORLD OR NOT?
  125. TAKE THE WINE CHALLENGE - BLENDING IS YOUR FRIEND!
  126. THE BORDEAUX ROAD AHEAD - A BUBBLE, A SPEED BUMP, OR BLISS?
  127. HERE AT LAST – BEYOND 100 POINTS – NIRVANA!
  128. BIRDS OF A FEATHER…
  129. FLASH! BIG NUMBERS WINE CRITIC ISSUES REPORT ON 2009 BEAUJOLAIS
  130. SPÄTBURGUNDER – WHAT IS IT?
  131. PINOT GRIS. IT'S FOR ME. DO YOU KNOW PINOT GRIS?
  132. THE BEAT GOES ON AND ON … “SUM YUNG VINE” X 2
  133. AND THE BEAT GOES ON…
  134. 100-POINT WINES – GET ‘EM WHILE YOU CAN!
  135. STORAGE, STORAGE, STORAGE!
  136. HAPPY THANKSGIVING! IT'S TIME TO GIVE THANKS AND ENJOY FOOD AND WINE!
  137. WOW! 2009 RED BURGUNDIES. STAY TUNED!!
  138. TIME TO GET INTO BEAUJOLAIS!
  139. A BARGAIN AT WHAT PRICE?
  140. VINOUS DRIVE-BY -- IT'S THE DRIVE-BY SIP AND SPIT!
  141. WINE TASTING OF THE MILLENNIUM
  142. ANSWER TO WINE TASTING OF THE MILLENNIUM
  143. PAST LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
  144. DEAR SANTA, WE'VE GOT A LITTLE LIST
  145. THE UNDERGROUND IS BACK!
  146. WHY THE “UNDERGROUND” WINELETTER? ARE WE TERRORISTS?

2018 STUPID WINE DESCRIPTION WINNERS

John Tilson • 1/26/19        Print This Post Print This PostComment Bookmark and Share

  

For the last few years I have been writing an annual article on stupid wine descriptions (to read the first with a single award for one of the most ludicrous wine descriptions of all time click here). This year’s four award winners come from my friend Mort Maizlish who is particularly adept at finding some real gems that lend themselves to the interesting questions that he poses. And, at the end of the article as an extra added bonus, take a look at what I have called one of the longest wine descriptions on record and have given a special award for irrelevant verbosity.

ONE

Tasted ex-chateau and single blind in Southwold. I loathe tasting this blind because it always teases you with its laconic nature, waits for you to deliver your scores and then bursts open. The 2008 did exactly that, prompting several scowls from the audience. Initially, the nose is very closed, but it eventually opens to reveal lovely aromas of beeswax, wet wool, dried pear and honeycomb. The palate is similarly dumb at first, but it unfurls with a delicate, citrus entry, a carefully planned crescendo of dried pineapple, lanolin and spice, with hints of hazelnut on the finish. I hate you Laville. Don’t even attempt to taste this blind, but cellar for twenty years.

How would one carefully plan a crescendo of dried pineapple, lanolin, spice and hazelnuts, other than adulterating the wine? Maybe the “wet wool” had something to do with it? Or maybe it was just the “scores” that caused it to reveal itself?

TWO

I have to admit I had some apprehension opening this based on the most recent notes but this 23 year old came through with flying colours. A 1 hour decant and a couple of muscular swirls revealed a rich garnet color and an exquisite nose of blackberry and rich vanilla Devon custard. Leonetti’s use of Merlot and Cabernet Franc rounds out the 80% Cabernet Sauvignon and adds that subtle minty dill pickle tang on the nose so characteristic of the producer – a lovely counterpoint to the richness of the dark fruit. Finish is medium long and surprisingly deep for the age of the vintage. One of my very favourite producers from the NorthWest and a wine well worth waiting for.

Muscular swirls will bring out the dill pickle (let’s hear it for dill pickle) in your wine.  Who knew that’s all it takes? Guess I must not be working out enough.

THREE

…the 2015 Cabernet Sauvignon charges from the gate…Full-bodied, concentrated and downright explosive in the mouth, it is still wearing loads of gorgeous puppy-fat fruit flavors, offering suggestions of the complex, multilayered blockbuster that it will emerge into. The structure deserves its own mention: wonderful, seamless freshness and oh-so-fine, pixelated tannins, with an extraordinary persistence of fruit and mineral nuances. Wow.”

What in the world is puppy-fat fruit flavors? And, it had to happen, I suppose – High Tech in the wine description business. Pixelated tannins?  Next we’ll be reading about Bordeaux with amazing bandwidth, Cabernet with high-speed connections. Is this really more exciting than saddle leather and olalliberries?

 FOUR

Pale bright yellow. Fresh aromas of mirabelle, nectarine, tangerine, minty herbs and crushed stone. Quite dry, juicy and elegant, featuring stone fruit and mineral flavors sexed up by a flinty nuance on the end. Still a bit youthfully tight, but this is a marvelous Gentil, the best I remember from Hugel in years. It’s a delicious, lovely, fresh wine that, though not the last word in complexity, is easygoing and full of early appeal. A very complex blend of Sylvaner, Riesling, Pinot Blanc/Auxerrois, and Pinot Gris, plus a little Gewürztraminer, Muscat Ottonel and Muscat d’Alsace; 40 years ago Gentil used to be at least 40% Sylvaner but in recent times the blend of Pinot Blanc and Auxerrois had taken over, to my mind one of the main reasons for Gentil’s downfall. What one wants from a Gentil is mineral florality and freshness, not heavy-handed, honeyed and spicy aromas and flavors.

What is mineral florality, and is it different from floral mineralogy? And “sexed up by a flinty nuance on the end. Still a bit youthfully tight.” Do we really want to go there?

ADDED ATTRACTION

And as an extra added attraction this year, how about one of the longest wine descriptions on record that could also be called one of the most contrived and irrelevant not to mention contradictory.   Apparently the 100 point wine writer and the retailer who parroted the description both had something in common. Decide for yourself, but I would say this is a classic definition of “stupid is as stupid does”! The description, by the way, is for a Portuguese red wine. Who would have guessed?  And who would want to buy this wine based on the description? But, then as you will read in the description, maybe you are a masochist!

BONUS AWARD FOR IRRELEVANT VERBOSITY

  

The 2015 Nossa Calcario red is a Baga (although in the past, I’ve been told that among the old vines there are tiny amounts of other varieties) from three vineyards with an average vine age of 80 years, aged in used French and Slavonian oak for 18 months. It comes in at just 12% alcohol. This is a fine representation of the vintage and the region. Showing impeccable balance, silky texture, grace and wonderful mid-palate finesse, it has that hard-to-find ability to be elegant, but it’s never thin. It resembles a fine Barbaresco in many ways. It is also very fresh, the natural acidity of Baga coming to the foreground, mingling with small hits of wood and some fruitier nuances. The wood blows off quickly; those opening nuances are very minor. With time, they simply seem to disappear. Tasting this a second time, it seemed a bit sharp and tart. When I tasted it the first time, the context was different-namely, it was next to the Missão reviewed this issue, which seemed much tarter. This “normal” Nossa red is just Baga, though. The big hit of acidity does not overwhelm the wine. It lifts the fruit and lets it linger on the finish. It makes this very refreshing and a pleasure to drink. With about 90 minutes of aeration, this Nossa red also fleshes out in the glass and seems not only more substantial but more precise. It also shows more power. It is far more impressive then. It’s a wine that will need food when it is ready-and it clearly is not quite ready. If you’re a masochist, dive in now. It’s not impossible, but it’s not advisable either. This is hardly a mass market product, so don’t waste your bottles. It should age well, needless to say, and develop complexity in time. If you crack it now, give it 90 minutes in a decanter first. This looks like a potential superstar. It’s worth leaning up just now. You’ll feel refined and sophisticated drinking it, because it certainly is both of those things.

And, after you have suffered through reading this description just how “refined and sophisticated” would you feel drinking it?

So that’s it for the 2018 Stupid Wine Descriptions. We now have another full year for you to send in your choices. Please keep them rolling in! You can send your stupid wine descriptions to The Underground or direct to my email address john@undergroundwineletter.com

 

In Vino Veritas,Sig

John Tilson

Post a Comment

No comments so far for “2018 STUPID WINE DESCRIPTION WINNERS”

  • Ken Molay says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation. This is a preview; your comment will be visible after it has been approved.
    May I submit the following contender? Taste Profile: Brooding flavors of plum and raspberry fruit that’s subtly earthy and peppery with oaky notes of baby diaper (in a good way) and fresh motor oil (also in a good way). This is a generic description for Jaen (Mencia) wines from Portugal. Source is Madeline Puckette (“Wine Communicator of the Year”) at Wine Folly. https://winefolly.com/tutorial/5-dry-portuguese-wines/
  • Post a Comment

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published.